Because dating is such a crap-shoot, in the hands of a person we don’t usually know all that well we are trying to interest, between two people with two different views of the world even if they have many things in common, we need to step lightly when we do it. We might get a false sense of security with online dating given its anonymity and how we can do lots of it from the safety of our homes, but still we are only ever trying to procure the attention of another person and when that happens all bets are off to what’s going to come next.
Luckily online dating almost forces us to act slowly, though there are single people who log on and make culling partners their life’s ambition. There are men and women online who feel that every connection they make will be their soul mate, that see online dating as their only social activity, that log-on to websites in a feverish search to satisfy their brittle self esteem. If we count so much on the affirmation of others-in many cases people we haven’t even met yet, or might never meet really-we are going to always come away disappointed.
We need to step a little more gingerly. We need not put so much import into every message emailed, every comment left on our Facebook wall and certainly don’t ever grow so hurt by what does or does not happen in the first few times getting to know someone online. We should use online dating for what it does best for us, protect us from getting too close to people we might, over time, not truly want to get to close to and to make the first time meeting someone off line-if that meeting ever comes-a less horrific worry.
The only way though we can do this is to give ourselves a break with online dating by stepping slow and easy through the process.
Like being in a gang, once you’re in it’s not so easy getting out! Stuck deep in a certain fantasy or world-view, getting your perceptions to engage a blinker and cut into to another wholly new lane could see you take drive of your life! Even when we know we are fantasizing, living a cliché, being obtuse we often times still go on our merry way believing what we even know is a falsehood simply because it is the way we have always marched merrily along.
This is all well and good for any one of us stuck in our own little niche, dealing with family and friends, hanging-out locally, but what happens when the guy or girl travels out of their environ, meets someone unlike them in every which way, when they encounter another race of person they might want to get to know or, God forbid, date?
This clash can as much happen when a Caucasian finds him or herself in the middle of Asian dating as it can for the Asian single tripping over cultural lines to maybe meet a person from the west who they might want to date. We’d all like to think our sensibilities wouldn’t be so challenged, that we’d all take to love and lust with a level of maturity befitting our age, but when your normal steps are suddenly tripped-up and halted very often one gets defensive.
Luckily these days dating different cultures, races colors, religions can meet pretty regularly because of the net. Luckily the world is becoming a smaller place so Asian dating for at least on partner not Asian is possible. We can certainly hold tight to our world view but when it is challenged, and it will never be better challenged then when we fall for someone of a race, religion or world-view not our own, we need to let go of what we think we know to maybe allow what might be the best thing we ever come to know.